Holy Monday

I am uncomfortable with the gospel reading for today.  The extravagance of Mary’s gesture, taking a “pound of costly perfume made of pure nard” and anointing Jesus’ feet, and wiping his feet with her hair.  I find myself, like Judas, saying, excuse me, the money that perfume cost could have been used for a really good cause.    I find that I am better at “doing” things, donating money and time to “good causes” than I am at giving of myself.  I can better understand and relate to the young man who comes to Jesus and tells him that he obeys all the commandments, gives generously to the poor and Jesus tells him its not enough, sell it all and follow me.   What? I’ve done everything I’m supposed to and it’s still not enough?

I am always intrigued, amazed and envious of people who seem to have all the answers, are completely sure of their faith and place in God’s Kingdom.  I seem to always be struggling, asking “why” and “how come” and “why not” and other times dragging my feet screeching “no way am I doing that or going there”.   Jesus tells us to follow him, and it seems so simple.  Sure, why not, I can do that.  Than you realize that it is not so simple, that it requires that you give everything, and it becomes a lot more difficult. 

Or is it? If I really listen and hear those words “follow me”, is it really that difficult? Barbara Brown Taylor wrote that she wasn’t sure that following Jesus was always a matter of leaving everything behind, but of being swept into the flow of God’s will and giving ourselves over to it, and if that’s the case following Jesus will be a different story for every one of us.  The possibilities of following would be endless, sometimes it could be something big and sometimes something to small to even mention, and it would include Mary’s anointing of Jesus’ feet and my need for “doing” something.

I know that I will continue to struggle, question and wonder if its ever enough, but for today, I am just going to let myself be swept into that flow of God’s will and give myself over to it and be sure it is enough and that I too have a place in God’s Kingdom.